Double Tap

Sounds cool right? Not cool. Double tap is what Brian did today. It means he failed a test twice. I figured realistically this day would come, but I was anxiously hoping that it wouldn't. The funny thing is that as I was praying for him to be confident and calm and pass his test this morning, I began to wonder about the "what if's" of him of him failing. I will admit though, I also began to wonder these same thoughts last Friday when we found ourselves in the same place. The thoughts this time seemed a little more haunting though. What if he fails? He'll get rolled. What if the class he gets rolled into sucks? He is with such a good group of people. I hope he doesn't get rolled. What if he gets dropped? One year left in the Navy and then what? Where will we spend our last year? Where will we spend the rest of our lives? All good questions, but ALL so unnecessary. Really. They are. What if he blows up and dies? I mean really, if I'm gonna play the "what if" game, then why not go there? And that right there is exactly why the "what if" game is stupid. There is nothing I can do about any of that whether it happens or not. And I may as well not torture myself by playing that game. Right? Right.

So he double-tapped. What does this mean for us now? Ready.... it means... I DON'T KNOW. Isn't that a lovely answer? Welcome to the military. Apparently it's a three day weekend, so when Tuesday rolls around he is supposed to find out where he goes next. There are no choices on our part, but the possibilities are: a) he retakes the test and gets to stay in his current class (VERY unlikely, maybe 1% chance of this occurring), b) he retakes the test and gets rolled into the class directly behind him, or c) he goes to rollback limbo-land for a couple months until a spot opens up in a class. I am rooting for option a, but planning for option c. Looks like we may be here in Florida a bit longer folks. But let's not get our hopes up, cause you just never know.

Brian was extremely disappointed and upset with himself yesterday for failing, so I was quite surprised that he seemed totally cool with the fact that he failed today. It's good though, cause if he freaked out, I KNOW I would have too. One of us has to always have their head on straight I suppose. So, the long weekend begins, and the annoying part is that I know when Tuesday hits and I want to know our fate immediately... we won't know a thing. Such excitement! Such thrill! Such... irritation. I think to some this may sound intriguing possibly (or not, I don't know you tell me...), but let me tell you that it is and it isn't. Part of me loves not knowing what is next. It keeps me on my toes, and it's definitely not what I would call boring. Yet, it is rather tiring at times having everything undecided. EVERYTHING. I mean, part of me almost wanted to cancel the second half of my internship because, well, what if we aren't here by then? Thank God I decided that scheduling and shooting weddings was a bad idea. I can't imagine how stressed I would feel if I had weddings booked throughout the summer and be sitting here wondering if I am even going to still live here by then. Ugh.

So, my plan? Think peaceful thoughts :) Peaceful like the beaches of Oregon. Deep breath in... and slowly out... Hmmm. I already feel better :) I am just glad to be in a place that I can roll with it. It's a place I have chosen and I am glad I did, because living any other way with this man that is my husband would be torture.

Let me just add a little addition to this post. In case I sounded dramatic (which I am thinking I may have). We are not freaking out. It was bound to happen at one point or another. We will be fine, and Brian will continue on through the school. We are trusting that if God really wants him to be an EOD tech that he will help him through it. So we are continually seeking God for direction and praying that we will have our faith strengthened (which I think he is doing just that!).